English and American jokes

I´m a bit tired, I´ve been correcting exams all day and I have found these jokes on the internet for you, the problem is that I have all the photos sorted out and there are some jokes I don´t understand ;)

Could you tell me which photograph belongs to which joke?

Could you explain three of these jokes to me?

1*A cop pulls a young guy over:"Hello officer" said the smart aleck kid."Young man did you see that stop sign?" asked the cop. "Yup, but I didn't see you!

2*A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish."The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," the woman says. The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks."Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.

3*A young guy at a bar: “Hey, bartender. Pour me a cold one.”“Hey, go on, kid, you wanna get me in trouble?”“Maybe later. Right now I just wanna a beer.”

4*A man walks into a shoe store... ...and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk. "Well ... they feel a bit tight." replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and themans feet. "Try pulling the tongue out." offers the clerk. Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.

5*The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern."Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.""Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"

6*Do you know why Polish men, when they go to sleep, bring one glass full of water and one cup empty? It's because they doesn't know if they'll be thirsty or not.

7*An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man.When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset."What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked."I had to slap his face three times!""You mean he got fresh?""No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"

8*“What am I supposed to do with this?” grumbled the motorist as the police clerk handed him a receipt for his traffic violation.“Keep it,” the clerk advises. “When you get four of them, you get a bicycle.”

9*One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

10*What’s wrong, Doctor? You look puzzled.”“I can’t figure out exactly what’s wrong with you. I think it’s the result of heavy drinking.”“Well then, I’ll just come back when you’re sober.”

11*There once was a blonde who had always heard about ice fishing, so one day she tried it. She went to an icy area, cut a hole, and started fishing. All of a sudden, she hears a voice. “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She ignores it and moves to another area, cutting a hole, and beginning to fish again. Again she hears the booming voice. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!" She is starting to get freaked out now. "Lord? Is that you?" she asks. In reply she hears, "NO, THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER!"